


Risk

by hawkeyesbutt



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: AU, F/F, Hawke left in the Fade, M/M, Trans!Fenris, and also they have a daughter, fenris is pissed
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-12
Updated: 2016-03-12
Packaged: 2018-05-26 08:25:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6231385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hawkeyesbutt/pseuds/hawkeyesbutt
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fenris finds out Hawke was left in the Fade and he's pretty pissed about it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Risk

“I guess I’ve got some letters to write,” Varric had told the Inquisitor. “I should be the one to tell Fenris.” 

Inquisitor Adaar couldn’t help but feel guilty as she watched Varric mourn the loss of his best friend. She had never imagined what consequences would come from entering the Fade, but this hadn’t been one of them. She often found herself thinking back on it, wondering why she didn’t offered to kill it. After all, she was the one who could close the rift. Why had they not all stayed? Together, they could have made it through. The thoughts lay on her mind while she attempts sleep, finding herself unable to. There was no one to talk to about this; Varric didn’t need to hear it, Sera would most likely tell her she did what she had to do, and she should accept that.

It’s that moment when she finds herself heading to Cassandra’s quarters at the dead of night, knocking lightly on her door. “Who is it?” She replies through the wood. She sounds tired. Adaar pushes her guilt at waking the warrior aside, knowing that if she didn’t talk to someone soon she would end up with even more sleepless nights. 

“It’s me,” She murmurs through the door. 

The door opens, revealing a sleepy-eyed Cassandra, her hair askew. If it wasn’t such a serious matter, Adaar would have teased her about it. “Inquisitor? Are you alright?"

“I wanted to talk to someone about Hawke,” Adaar says, watching the way Cassandra’s eye twitches. “I wasn’t sure who to turn to."

“I see,” she replies, quietly. “Come in."

Adaar steps inside, looking abnormally huge in Cassandra’s small and simple quarters. She takes a seat on her bed, watching Cassandra move to lean against the wall. “I did not know the Champion myself, you must know that,” Cassandra starts, staring at her feet. “But I read _Tale of the Champion_ many, many times. I grew... an attachment. I looked up to him, regardless of how ridiculous Varric makes him sound.” She smiles gently, as if recalling a favourite chapter. “I couldn’t help but feel cheated when I found out Varric knew where he was. I know I was unjust in that, but it still stung. To meet someone you idolise…” She pauses, looking over at Adaar. “Is there anyone _you_ idolise, Inquisitor?"

“In truth? I idolise the lot of you,” Adaar admits. “I can barely believe that you all put up with me as your leader, most days."

“You cannot be serious,” Cassandra deadpans. 

“I’m very serious,” Adaar tells her. 

Cassandra stares at her feet again. “Well… Imagine losing someone who you never knew but always looked up to. It’s certainly a blow,” she says. “I do not have to right to mourn him though. He was Varric’s friend, not mine."

“I understand,” Adaar replies. “I only knew him briefly, but… Watching Varric mourn, I can’t help but think of how it could have gone differently.” She sighs. “I could have done something. I could have stayed and fought along side him, we all could have - it didn’t have to end this way-"

“I know,” Cassandra says, gently. Her agreement crushes Adaar, despite it being what she wanted to hear. “ _We_ should have done something. We are all to blame, not just you.” She sighs. “Hawke died defending those around him. It’s what he would have wanted."

Adaar nods. The guilt sits a little lighter now. “Thank you, Cassandra. I know this isn’t easy to talk about.” 

“It is easier for me than Varric,” Cassandra says, worriedly. “I wish I knew how to help."

“So do I,” Adaar sighs. She gets to her feet, heading for the door. “Sorry for waking you up."

“It’s fine,” Cassandra follows her. “It has... helped me as well.” She stands a little straighter. “We must focus on the Inquisition. Moments like these should be rare if we are to-“ 

Cassandra is cut off by the sound of an explosion outside. “What was that?!” She yells, running to her armour and tugging on whatever she can before picking up a sword. “ Are we under attack?!"

“I’ll go find out,” the Inquisitor yells, running from the room. 

“You are unarmed!” Cassandra yells after her, rolling her eyes before barrelling after her. 

The inquisitor dashes from the room, hopping the high wall and running down the rooftops until she finally drops to the ground. She runs to the main gate, fully aware that she has _literally nothing to defend herself with._ The main entrance is covered in smoke, but there is hardly a sound to suggest anyone is even there. Adaar squints, trying to search the fog for something, _someone._ She’s startled when she sees glowing.

“Who’s there?” The Inquisitor yells. “Reveal yourself!” 

An elf steps out of the food, his skin glowing, his expression filled with rage. He wears a hood and has something attached to his back, but the fog is still clearing and Adaar hasn’t got the chance to investigate any further until the elf starts talking. “ _You._ ” His deep voice is sharp and cold. Adaar is almost certain she has never met this man before. “You are responsible, are you not?"

“Responsible for what?” Adaar replies, although considering, whatever it was, she probably was responsible.

At the sound of the commotion guards and such alike have started to empty in the courtyard to investigate. Cullen strides over, looking tired and unamused. “What’s going on here?” He asks, a hoard of soldiers at his back. As he comes closer, he stops short. “Oh maker,” he says sighing. “I suppose I should have known this would happen."

“What would happen?” Adaar asks.

Before Cullen can reply, Varric’s voice cuts him off. “Well, if it isn’t my favourite glowing elf."

The man in front of them frowns. “Do not jest with me, dwarf."

“Fenris, let’s talk about this,” Cullen says.

“I’d prefer to butcher you all instead,” Fenris snarls. “You took him from me. You dared take advantage of his help and you _left_ him there.” His voices gets louder as he talks, his hands shaking. Before he can yell any further, the sound of a child crying begins to fill the air. 

“Who is…?” Cullen asks.

Fenris responds buy removing what Adaar had assumed was a bag from his back, pulling a toddler from it. He shushes the child, ignoring the stares he gets. Varric comes closer, deciding the threat has passed.

“You brought Adaia with you?” Varric asks, raising an eyebrow.

“She’s already lost one parent, Varric. What else would you suggest I do?” His voice is still sharp, still steeled. Varric avoids his gaze, directing his attention to Adaia. 

“It’s been a while Adaia,” he says, letting her hands curl around one of his fingers. “How you holding up?"

She gurgles. “Daddy,” she says. Varric’s smile falls. He looks up at Fenris, who regards him with tired, sad eyes.

“Let’s go inside,” Varric says. He turns to the crowd which have formed. “False alarm everybody. Just Broody making a dramatic entrance.” 

There is a murmur of grumbles that goes around the castle as they return to their beds. Only a few of the inner circle remain, following Varric as he leads Fenris and Adaia up into the main hall. 

“What’s all the commotion about?” Dorian asks, as they enter, who had just been coming out to investigate himself. 

“Not now Sparkles,” Varric says, giving him a look. 

“Well, now I’m intrigued,” Dorian says as he steps closer. 

Varric sighs. He turns to the party which has formed, made up of the Inquisitor, Cassandra, Cullen and Dorian; Solas and Leliana emerge from the doorway, Sera appearing at Adaar’s side. “This is Fenris, Hawke’s lover.” At the sound of Adaia humming, he glances over to her. “And their daughter, Adaia."

“Daughter?” Cassandra asks. “You never mentioned a daughter in your book, Varric."

Fenris sighs. “Has _everyone_ read that _tale_ of yours Varric?” 

“Just a couple.” 

Fenris groans. “That story will be the death of me.” 

“What’s wrong with it?” Varric asks. “I think I captured you pretty well."

“It’s mostly reading about Aveline attempting to woo Donnic that makes me want to hang myself.” He chuckles lowly. “'It’s a nice night for an evening.’ Hawke would never let her live that down.” He smiles sadly, his hand gently raking through the dark hair of his daughter. 

“God, those two,” Varric says, laughing. “They gave me enough content for a whole other series."

“Ah yes,” Fenris replies. “ _Swords and Shields_ , correct?"

“That’s the one."

“Utter drivel."

“Yep.” 

“Sorry to interrupt this charming reunion,” Cullen says, stepping forward. “But I wondered if we might get down to business. It is the middle of the night, after all."

“Of course, Cullen. I wouldn’t to waste any more of your _precious_  time with my problems.” Fenris spits. Cullen sighs, looking away. “I’m surprised you have such a high position in an organisation such as this Cullen. Considering your last position, I must wonder how crazy this leader you follow will turn out to be."

“The Inquisitor is nothing like Meredith,” Cullen argues.

“Not yet, she isn’t.” Fenris says, before getting to his feet. He walks over to the Inquisitor. “I am Fenris, and you are responsible for Hawke’s death."

“We were about to be slaughtered,” The Inquisitor replies, calmly. “Hawke sacrificed himself for us."

“I can’t imagine why,” Fenris says. “He’s done more good to this world than you will ever achieve. He didn’t deserve…” He goes silent, looking over at Adaia again. She sits in Varric’s lap, poking his chin. Fenris can’t keep the pain from showing. “He wouldn’t leave me. He wouldn’t leave _her._ "

“I’m sorry,” The Inquisitor says. “I didn’t want it to end this way-"

“It’s not over yet,” Fenris says. Everyone stares at him. “You possess the ability to open and closes rifts, do you not? Then what is stopping you from opening another and finding him?"

“Fenris…” Varric says.

“You have not even given it a thought. It has the potential to work."

“The Fade is not small,” Solas interrupts. “It could take forever to find him again, if he’s still alive."

“Then I will search for as long as I need to,” Fenris snarls. “I have waited this long to be with him, I will not lose him again."

“This is crazy,” Cassandra says. “You cannot possibly wish to attempt this."

“And who are you to stop me?” Fenris replies.

“And your child? Who will look after her if you go? What if you don’t return?” Dorian asks. Fenris takes in his appearance, his voice, the staff on his back. His eye twitches. 

“I shall leave her with Aveline until I return,” he informs him. “And I _will_ return.” 

“We can’t just _leave_ the rift open for you to come back, you must realise that,” Dorian says. “This isn’t going to be an in-and-out mission. It’s going to be hellish and long and messy. You would risk your own life and your daughter losing her family?"

“I would risk anything for Hawke.”

“You’d rather die with him with live with your daughter?” Cullen asks.

Fenris shakes his head. “Your mind games do not work on me. I love two things on this earth, and I cannot live without both of them. I know Aveline will look after her."

“Fenris,” Varric says. “I miss Hawke too. I don’t want him to be dead any more than you do. But you can’t leave Adaia alone like this."

“She will understand why I am doing this when she is older,” Fenris tells him. “Varric. You know better than anyone how important Hawke is to me."

Varric sighs. “There’s no way to talk you out of this, is there?"

“I’m afraid not."

“If you intend to search for Hawke,” Adaar steps forward. “I will accompany you. I was responsible for him being left behind. If I can bring him back safely, I will gladly help.” 

“You can’t be serious, Inquisitor!” Cullen says. 

“Why? I have entered the fade physically twice already. What’s once more?” 

“You’re making this sound more simple than it is, Inquisitor.” Solas sighs. “We had help in the Fade last time. I doubt there will be a spirit to help guide us this time."

“You’re friends with spirits. Could one of them not help us?” 

Solas sighs. “The physical Fade is different from what we dream in. It wouldn’t… It…” 

“Spirit guide or not, we must enter the Fade.” 

“You would risk your life for one man? You would risk your team for him?” Solas asks.

“I abandoned him. I have to make this right,” The Inquisitor says. 

“I appreciate your assistance in this, Inquisitor.” Fenris says. “You are more than what I expected."

“Somebody pinch me,” Cullen sighs. “Ow! Leliana, I didn’t mean it literally.” 

“Then you shouldn’t have said it.” She says, smugly. “Listen, I understand why this is a bad idea, but I support it. I believe that with the Inquisitor’s help, Fenris will be able to find Hawke.” Her eyes soften. “If I was in the same position, I would do anything I could to get my warden back."

“Then it’s decided,” The Inquisitor says.

“Decided?” Sera says from her side. “I love you Teetness, but there’s no way I’m going back into the Fade again. Not after last time.” 

“You don’t have to come,” Adaar says, slipping her hand into the smaller woman’s.

“But I don’t want to lose you… What if…"

“You won’t,” she assures her. “Come on. Let’s go to bed. We’ll sort out the details in the morning. For now, we can put Fenris and his daughter up in one of our spare quarters.” 

“Thank you,” Fenris says. He takes Adaia from Varric’s lap gently, nodding to him.

Varric sighs. “Goodnight, you two. I hope this works…” he mutters.

“It will,” Fenris tells him. He grips Adaia a little tighter as he follows the Inquisitor to the spare room. 


End file.
